I avn't been posting for the last few months. Somehow i have gotten too busy to find time for myself, topped off by the fact that more than half the sites are blocked in my office(dis being one of them).
Bangalore has its life. Its a place one would love to hate. When you are there, you would constantly complain about anything and everything that is Bengaluru(yup.. dats the new name).. but once you are out of that place- you would miss it. Okay enough of my crap.
The one question everyone asks me is..whjat do i do to pass time!! Well.. from monday to friday.. i pass my time in office( since i av no work...thankfully... the cafeteria is where me and my frnds hang out).. and on weekends we all go out...exploring the city.
The next question- Do i like my work or do i lie working?? Well, its pretty early for me to answer that. As of now, yes i love it. Everything is new. The office, the people, the technology that i work on, the culture...It's exciting but i'll can't promise that i won't hate it later... One complain that i have is that there is a serious shortage of good-looking men( call me shallow but yes looks matter)... How are we the 'just outta college' people( i still like to think of myself as that- after all its just 4months) supposed to pass time...
The third question- Howz the pay??.. Guys.. its peanuts.. but i am surviving... i may constantly complain on it being too less, my college friends in other companies getting more.. threaten to leave this organization within a year.. but its not that bad... and no other company is gonna hire me with the sorta experience i have, it's just training experience dude and frankly my training was better in a way since i am alive( in the back of my mind praying for my infy and sapient frnd's).
4. Traffic?!! It's aweful here. It just has to rain to bring the complete city to a standstill but the weather sorta compensated for all the things that are wrong or bad here. I mean imagine being stuck in a stand-still jam in bangalore with it drizzling outside and the temperature being cool enough ( please lets not consider mosquitoes) and compare it with the same situation in Delhi but with sweltering heat and the temperature being around 33 degree Celsius. Give me Bangalore anyday.
5. The food. People i am a non-vegetarian ( PETA people please excuse)... i very rarely have food problems since i am not too choosy except for the fact that it should be edible and not alive...i am doing well enough... idli-dosa i can handle and since i eat out almost everyday- i am not complaining, only my bank-balance is.
6. Lodging... The PG is ok but i plan to shift to a flat with my friends soon... since the latter is obviously more comfortable and i love cooking...but the search for a flat is on...what i actually mean is that all we do is make plans..we avnt yet started looking..we are too lazy..
Rest later... its time for my lunch now.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Thursday, August 16, 2007
A typical day
Well!! My training is finally over. Had to slog it out for 38 working days (that’s how everything is counted in this world- number of hours worked, number of working days). Here is a brief review of my typical day.
Get up at 6:45am. Get ready. Have breakfast; reach pickup point by 8:15am. Reach office at around 9am. From 9to6 it’s all about studying with occasional coffee-break. Lunch is from 1to2pm. Once my shift is over, I board the bus, reach home by 7pm. Take rest, catch up with friends, have dinner and study for some or the other test. And then my eye’s starting closing on their accord. I catch a glimpse of the clock- it shows 10:30 pm. It’s late. Got another long day to fight out . And off I go, drifting to sleep, only to get up once the alarm rings the next day and again the routine repeats.
The test’s were tough to say the least coz anything could come. It was told to us in the very beginning that only 20% would be covered in the class, rest was self-study. And self-study it was. Learning a fully new programming language, and giving tests as though we were master’s in it was damn hard. Never had I imagined my self coming to office on Saturday-Sunday to study. I had to come to office as all resources was on the system or available on the net. Staying back in office till 8.30 pm for week’s just to study; Working on a Saturday. Reaching home dead tired so that all I could do was go off to sleep. The test’s actually psyched everyone out. Never in my life- either in school or in college, had I worked so hard.
The last few days have made me realize what my parents have been going through for years. Why they go off to sleep so early. Its barely two months, and I sit thinking whether or not I’ll be able to carry out this schedule for years to come. It’s a tough life. No doubt the pay-cheque tries to balance things out but still….
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Business Casual
Business Casual's.This is the word that describes the office wear that multinationals prescribe for their employees.Don't be mis-led by the word. It is one of the new words coined by the marketing and HR people inorder to make people feel good when they read it.It
has a feel good factor and masks it's own officiality.
The attire composes of trouser's in colours that are difficult to differentiate and shirt's in even blander colors. It's Men and Women. Please get over your Girl's and Boy's tag. Seems as though that in a day you make the transition from being a Boy or Girl to a Man or Woman respectively. If you get bored atleast the female employee has the option of wearing salwar-kameez
but for a person like me who always bemoans the challenge presented by dupatta,its not an option but a compulsion. Moreover, i don't know what the designer of women formal wear had against the female specie. No pockets.And i am not one of those people who can do without pockets. Have lived my entire life wearing jeans,cargoes which have multitude of pockets which you can fill with all sorta stuff and now i have to do with none. A problem in itself. Moreover, bags are an extra that actually hinder my ever free-flowing movement.
The most irritating thing that i face is the problem of wearing sandals. Why can't we wear sport shoes or shoes that are comfortable. Ladies sandal's will always have heels which go against the very principle of balancing.I find myself toppling down every few steps, watching each step i take as though i have just learnt to walk, not to mention the continuous discomfort that these sandals offer. Let me wear my Nike's,Reebok's and I'll be gratefull to you forever.(Imagine sports shoes combined with formal trousers- a fashion disaster in itself. Such a disaster that it might propel me to the top of the worst dressed people on earth..lookout Paris Hilton and Brittney Spears, you have competition coming up). Not to mention that
walking has been made an exercise in itself,something that i did earlier without notice. And somehow i find people stepping on my toes more now than earlier, and it pains ten times now. Come on people!Have some pity on my bare toes. Always sheltered by socks and sports shoes they are not used to your full weight falling on them directly.
It's been barely a fortnight and I am already bored of wearing formal's. And to keep this up all my life- it seems a really long life. Compared to my male counterparts, they don't even have an option. Somehow this makes me feel better.
has a feel good factor and masks it's own officiality.
The attire composes of trouser's in colours that are difficult to differentiate and shirt's in even blander colors. It's Men and Women. Please get over your Girl's and Boy's tag. Seems as though that in a day you make the transition from being a Boy or Girl to a Man or Woman respectively. If you get bored atleast the female employee has the option of wearing salwar-kameez
but for a person like me who always bemoans the challenge presented by dupatta,its not an option but a compulsion. Moreover, i don't know what the designer of women formal wear had against the female specie. No pockets.And i am not one of those people who can do without pockets. Have lived my entire life wearing jeans,cargoes which have multitude of pockets which you can fill with all sorta stuff and now i have to do with none. A problem in itself. Moreover, bags are an extra that actually hinder my ever free-flowing movement.
The most irritating thing that i face is the problem of wearing sandals. Why can't we wear sport shoes or shoes that are comfortable. Ladies sandal's will always have heels which go against the very principle of balancing.I find myself toppling down every few steps, watching each step i take as though i have just learnt to walk, not to mention the continuous discomfort that these sandals offer. Let me wear my Nike's,Reebok's and I'll be gratefull to you forever.(Imagine sports shoes combined with formal trousers- a fashion disaster in itself. Such a disaster that it might propel me to the top of the worst dressed people on earth..lookout Paris Hilton and Brittney Spears, you have competition coming up). Not to mention that
walking has been made an exercise in itself,something that i did earlier without notice. And somehow i find people stepping on my toes more now than earlier, and it pains ten times now. Come on people!Have some pity on my bare toes. Always sheltered by socks and sports shoes they are not used to your full weight falling on them directly.
It's been barely a fortnight and I am already bored of wearing formal's. And to keep this up all my life- it seems a really long life. Compared to my male counterparts, they don't even have an option. Somehow this makes me feel better.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Banging around in Banglore!!!
I av shifted base to Banglore for work purposes. Any one who works in the IT related industry knows that Banglore is where everyone is sent sooner or later. But let me just disillusion you- its overhyped.
The moment i landed here( company sponsered relocation) all i could see all around were hoarding screaming out in kannada,but what i and my friend could make out were the sweet-meats called jalebis were being formed in large bold letters. That to the uninitiated is what kannad looks like to an outsider. We hired a cab. The best thing with these people is that they forget hindi the moment it suits them. One more unique quality that the autorikshaw or cab drivers don't know the whole city like the back of their hand. They'll reach a particular point and then turn to you for direction irrespective of the fact that you av no idea about anything. If you are ever coming here please note that if you can solve the confusion between a cross and a main please let me know. Roads here are classied as XYZ Cross, XYZ Main, XYZ Stage. Now which one comes where is the question. Its like a matrix that noone has been able to explain properly to me till date.
The IT boom has made the simple Banglorean an enterpreneur. Everyone wants to cash in on the frenzy called Paying Guest Accomodation. If you av space- squeeze in a bed and rent it out for rs.3000(minimum). Even better, take your drawing room, use ply-boards to make cubicals and squeeze in around 10-12 people. To do that the bed will be made half the normal width. A single bathroom in which one can barely squeeze-in is to be shared between all. The reason behind this is- why make the bathroom large when one more bed can be juggled in. We are humans!! We need space to breath!! But finally inspite of all these downfalls i av found a pg where i and my friends would spend some time in(fingers crossed).
The weather here is one thing that is cool. Coming from Delhi, its a respite from the scroaching heat. Its so pleasant here. I look taking a walk at night with the breeze soothing down the nerves.
The major complaint that most of my north-indian friends have is about the food. I av lived in a hostel so i can survive. But for my friends, their fight for survival has began. Non-veg is very readily available. My vegetarian friend's are already losing weight. Moreover the smell of garlic is so strong that sometimes even the person with the most insensitive stomach finds it difficult. But for these poeple, north-indian means garlic. A simple equation. Its a non-veg heaven and a veg hell. Moreover for people like me who like to experiment, its easy to to live it out but for my choosy friend's- its a reality check.
I'll be regularly updating this post. This is just a small tip of the ice-berg.
The moment i landed here( company sponsered relocation) all i could see all around were hoarding screaming out in kannada,but what i and my friend could make out were the sweet-meats called jalebis were being formed in large bold letters. That to the uninitiated is what kannad looks like to an outsider. We hired a cab. The best thing with these people is that they forget hindi the moment it suits them. One more unique quality that the autorikshaw or cab drivers don't know the whole city like the back of their hand. They'll reach a particular point and then turn to you for direction irrespective of the fact that you av no idea about anything. If you are ever coming here please note that if you can solve the confusion between a cross and a main please let me know. Roads here are classied as XYZ Cross, XYZ Main, XYZ Stage. Now which one comes where is the question. Its like a matrix that noone has been able to explain properly to me till date.
The IT boom has made the simple Banglorean an enterpreneur. Everyone wants to cash in on the frenzy called Paying Guest Accomodation. If you av space- squeeze in a bed and rent it out for rs.3000(minimum). Even better, take your drawing room, use ply-boards to make cubicals and squeeze in around 10-12 people. To do that the bed will be made half the normal width. A single bathroom in which one can barely squeeze-in is to be shared between all. The reason behind this is- why make the bathroom large when one more bed can be juggled in. We are humans!! We need space to breath!! But finally inspite of all these downfalls i av found a pg where i and my friends would spend some time in(fingers crossed).
The weather here is one thing that is cool. Coming from Delhi, its a respite from the scroaching heat. Its so pleasant here. I look taking a walk at night with the breeze soothing down the nerves.
The major complaint that most of my north-indian friends have is about the food. I av lived in a hostel so i can survive. But for my friends, their fight for survival has began. Non-veg is very readily available. My vegetarian friend's are already losing weight. Moreover the smell of garlic is so strong that sometimes even the person with the most insensitive stomach finds it difficult. But for these poeple, north-indian means garlic. A simple equation. Its a non-veg heaven and a veg hell. Moreover for people like me who like to experiment, its easy to to live it out but for my choosy friend's- its a reality check.
I'll be regularly updating this post. This is just a small tip of the ice-berg.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
The blue veins of delhi
Anyone who is in Delhi this summer will vouch for the heat. It was never so bad, never so hot,never so sweaty. It just takes one step. A step out of your ac room into the normal temperature to tell you that- its hot!!! Statistics that all news channels and papers play upon show that this is the hottest it has ever been in the last few decades. Its 4 degree Celsius above normal etc etc. Do i care! a rhetoric question if there was one. I mean its hot for me whether it be 10 degrees above normal or 1 degree.
If one needs a very strong test of endurance, may i suggest a trip in the Delhi blue line buses in this heat. The sweltering heat. Over-crowded buses that move at snail's pace inorder to load as many commuters they can. The bus is already busting its seams(figuratively) and yet the conductor yells out "khali he". The best is when the conductor in front shouts at the people "peche gadi puri khali padi he" ;mind you at this time most people are standing on each other feet. Then to complement him the conductor guarding the back gate of the bus yells out "aage chalo,age chalo.. gadi wahan puri khali he"; Guess they think that in the middle lies a crack that will hold all commuters thereby helping them load up more passengers. This front-back shoving(yup this is what they do) literally makes one person stand on top of another. Fanning the already heated up temperature. Everyone reaches their boiling point. A small jerk is all that it takes for people to start fighting. Add to this the cacophony of babies crying, kids pleading there parents, aunties giving their expert opinion and mobile phones ringing. Add to the above bedlam the omnipresent call of the conductors- dhaula kaun, moti bagh, safderjung, medical, south ex....
The sweat trickles down your back, it is suffocating. No welcome breeze. And you are nowhere near your destination. Add to that that you are standing on one foot and trying to hold onto you life by clinging to a small part of the overhead rod. And you are itching to slap the person next to you for falling onto you( and you can't cause you'll be labeled a mad-woman because of all the crowd-space constraint).
By the time your stop comes and you push through people you are not willing to give an inch for you and reach the front end of the bus to alight, you are ready to swear never to travel by this monstrosity again. But then a new day comes and you start afresh to battle it out on these buses.
Let me say , Delhi Blue Buses- bringing people closer :)
If one needs a very strong test of endurance, may i suggest a trip in the Delhi blue line buses in this heat. The sweltering heat. Over-crowded buses that move at snail's pace inorder to load as many commuters they can. The bus is already busting its seams(figuratively) and yet the conductor yells out "khali he". The best is when the conductor in front shouts at the people "peche gadi puri khali padi he" ;mind you at this time most people are standing on each other feet. Then to complement him the conductor guarding the back gate of the bus yells out "aage chalo,age chalo.. gadi wahan puri khali he"; Guess they think that in the middle lies a crack that will hold all commuters thereby helping them load up more passengers. This front-back shoving(yup this is what they do) literally makes one person stand on top of another. Fanning the already heated up temperature. Everyone reaches their boiling point. A small jerk is all that it takes for people to start fighting. Add to this the cacophony of babies crying, kids pleading there parents, aunties giving their expert opinion and mobile phones ringing. Add to the above bedlam the omnipresent call of the conductors- dhaula kaun, moti bagh, safderjung, medical, south ex....
The sweat trickles down your back, it is suffocating. No welcome breeze. And you are nowhere near your destination. Add to that that you are standing on one foot and trying to hold onto you life by clinging to a small part of the overhead rod. And you are itching to slap the person next to you for falling onto you( and you can't cause you'll be labeled a mad-woman because of all the crowd-space constraint).
By the time your stop comes and you push through people you are not willing to give an inch for you and reach the front end of the bus to alight, you are ready to swear never to travel by this monstrosity again. But then a new day comes and you start afresh to battle it out on these buses.
Let me say , Delhi Blue Buses- bringing people closer :)
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Female drivers.
Let me start this post by saying that i am a female driver and this is just my general observation about myself.
Do i hate driving(this is a rhetoric question) ..this is one activity that gets me so tensed up... i think i av lost more weight while learning to drive than by actually trying to lose weight. Somehow i just can't get over my inherent fear. The moment i see big vehicles approaching..god am i done for... or maybe at some junction when i av to turn, there is a traffic light, moreover pedestrians crossing the road the exact moment they are not supposed to and all of a sudden i go blank... i mean i become so indecisive as to what to do.. . i frankly don't av the confidence... i can conquer all my fears except this... people say it is not that tough..it easy once you get in the groove.. but i somehow can't see myself finding it easy..all my senses need to be on high alert... and some people say it relaxes them..to this i say:to each his own.
One thing that gets me cold with fear is that when the car starts rolling backward or forward when i stop due to a traffic jam or traffic light... once long time an incident happened and till now when the car is stationary it seems to me as though the car is moving backwards... even when writing this post i am in high tension...
i av never feared from any challenge but somehow it seems a mere mechanical contraption is getting the better of me.. man sorry Woman v/s Machine. i just wish i can get over my phobia... can can move through traffic like i see my expert friends doing.. no tension.. it will make me independent in the true sense also...
I'll keep u posted on my driving fiascoes.
Do i hate driving(this is a rhetoric question) ..this is one activity that gets me so tensed up... i think i av lost more weight while learning to drive than by actually trying to lose weight. Somehow i just can't get over my inherent fear. The moment i see big vehicles approaching..god am i done for... or maybe at some junction when i av to turn, there is a traffic light, moreover pedestrians crossing the road the exact moment they are not supposed to and all of a sudden i go blank... i mean i become so indecisive as to what to do.. . i frankly don't av the confidence... i can conquer all my fears except this... people say it is not that tough..it easy once you get in the groove.. but i somehow can't see myself finding it easy..all my senses need to be on high alert... and some people say it relaxes them..to this i say:to each his own.
One thing that gets me cold with fear is that when the car starts rolling backward or forward when i stop due to a traffic jam or traffic light... once long time an incident happened and till now when the car is stationary it seems to me as though the car is moving backwards... even when writing this post i am in high tension...
i av never feared from any challenge but somehow it seems a mere mechanical contraption is getting the better of me.. man sorry Woman v/s Machine. i just wish i can get over my phobia... can can move through traffic like i see my expert friends doing.. no tension.. it will make me independent in the true sense also...
I'll keep u posted on my driving fiascoes.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Mediocrity Personified
I av come across one basic questions in all interviews,GDs etc that i av given..
Introduce yourself.
Who is (first name) (last name)?
Describe yourself.
Tell us something about you that will help us know you better.
Introduce yourself.
Who is (first name) (last name)?
Describe yourself.
Tell us something about you that will help us know you better.
These are some of the various forms in which i am asked to describe myself. I know this would always be the first question wherever i go or which every GD/PI i face...yet i am never sure of what am i supposed to say.. till date i av jitters whenever this question comes on...and the moment i start speaking..things just fall into a pattern.
how am i to slot myself... i don't know the answer to the question- who am i... then how am i supposed to explain myself to others...i still don't know who the real me is... the one who laughs so easily or the one who gets bugged sometimes...the one who is practical about stuff or the eternal romantic... the hard-core diplomat or the opinionated fool who can't keep out of controversies...
a person who can go through the whole day without talking or the person who can't stand a moment's silence...my quest for finding myself and loosing myself is unending....
in answer to the questions above. i av only one answer i am mediocre.
Studies:not too good..not bad..just mediocre.
Sports:i play all but not too well..am mediocre.i mean am no expert but no beginner either.
Debates:not good neither bad.
General awareness: same as above
Bad at painting.
Creativity is very personal...i mean not very good at the so called arts. Am passable. Can sing,can dance but nothing to write home about...
av got no big awards to my name.. no scholarship to write about... am a very temperamental person...books i read but they don't belong to any particular genre.. songs or music i like depends on my mood... neither do i melt into the crowd nor do i stand out... half the world hates my guts..the other half loves me yet hates me cause of the very reason the love me.... am neither tall nor short..neither thin nor fat..neither good looking nor a troll(sorry if i offend anyone- harry potter lingo)...so in other words to keep things sort- i am a jack of all trades,master of none and if anyone ever asks me again to describe myself - i am what i am... not good,neither bad... it does not make me different from the crowd but still i stand as an individual.
whatever the above means....
how am i to slot myself... i don't know the answer to the question- who am i... then how am i supposed to explain myself to others...i still don't know who the real me is... the one who laughs so easily or the one who gets bugged sometimes...the one who is practical about stuff or the eternal romantic... the hard-core diplomat or the opinionated fool who can't keep out of controversies...
a person who can go through the whole day without talking or the person who can't stand a moment's silence...my quest for finding myself and loosing myself is unending....
in answer to the questions above. i av only one answer i am mediocre.
Studies:not too good..not bad..just mediocre.
Sports:i play all but not too well..am mediocre.i mean am no expert but no beginner either.
Debates:not good neither bad.
General awareness: same as above
Bad at painting.
Creativity is very personal...i mean not very good at the so called arts. Am passable. Can sing,can dance but nothing to write home about...
av got no big awards to my name.. no scholarship to write about... am a very temperamental person...books i read but they don't belong to any particular genre.. songs or music i like depends on my mood... neither do i melt into the crowd nor do i stand out... half the world hates my guts..the other half loves me yet hates me cause of the very reason the love me.... am neither tall nor short..neither thin nor fat..neither good looking nor a troll(sorry if i offend anyone- harry potter lingo)...so in other words to keep things sort- i am a jack of all trades,master of none and if anyone ever asks me again to describe myself - i am what i am... not good,neither bad... it does not make me different from the crowd but still i stand as an individual.
whatever the above means....
Thursday, May 31, 2007
The Graduate.
Today that is May 31,2007 as of 1700 hours, the moment i handed in my paper I graduated from college. Not in the technical sense though. Today my final VIII semester exams got over and with it the curtain fell on my college life.Four years i lived the life of a care-free college student. The four years that i can't even properly remember today, how will i remember it 10-20yrs down the line. It is as though i sleepwalked through it.
Lets see the statistics...
Taking on an average 6 subjects each semester, that comes out to 48 theory subjects. 48 practicals,16 sessionals, 16 practical examinations( internal+external), 8 semester exams.
I av survived all this. But right now if u ask me am i any wiser than i was when i stepped into college. I dnt know.
Don't ask about studies. As far as that part is concerned i am still surviving with the basics i learnt in in school. College just fine-tuned it a bit. What i learned was more important. College made me face the stark realities of life... about friendship, about priorities, whom to care for and whom not.. taught me when to keep shut. More importantly to keep shut.It taught me..it doesnt matter how intelligent you are, how much know... what matters is how you present stuff and yourself in front of others. It taught me how people can sweet-talk when they need you... and they forget you the moment the work is done... it taught me never to go on looks..looks can be deceptive...the most harmless looking of creatures may just deliver the killing sting. It taught me to be involved yet be detached.. to love but let go... it introduced me to the most amazing bunch of people i av ever met...(you know who u are;) )
i had my share of fun, laughs,tears...
heartbreak, fights, bunks....
trips, gossips and fests...
parties which made everything seem best.
In all it is difficult to sum up four years in abstract. Next i'll go year wise. like the say...
...to be contd.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Perfect day
how is a perfect day supposed to be...
how happy is happy...
how does one enjoy..
why is a birthday supposed to e special..
how do u categorise fun..
how can one slot friends...
God! knows why i am mentioning all these things..
sometimes my mind wanders...random thoughts...
How is one supposed to celebrate their birthday..
why is this day so important...
why can't we celebrate each day..
its just that i don't feel a year older...
i don't feel as old as i am..
its as though i have lived my entire life in a limbo...
not achieved anything...
not had the so called teenage-rebellion...
its feels as though years are running past me and i am yet to catch up with them...
i can see wrinkles on my face (he he)
no seriously! i think i need to take stock of my life...
need to buckle up my shoes..or tie my laces properly (which i am still to learn)...
get career oriented...
get a life- wild but a bit mild...
go trekking...see places..go on a cruise...
frnds who love me for what i am... and not cause i am always around...
the list is on..
but i'll stop now...
On a more happy note:
Happy Birthday to me!!!
how happy is happy...
how does one enjoy..
why is a birthday supposed to e special..
how do u categorise fun..
how can one slot friends...
God! knows why i am mentioning all these things..
sometimes my mind wanders...random thoughts...
How is one supposed to celebrate their birthday..
why is this day so important...
why can't we celebrate each day..
its just that i don't feel a year older...
i don't feel as old as i am..
its as though i have lived my entire life in a limbo...
not achieved anything...
not had the so called teenage-rebellion...
its feels as though years are running past me and i am yet to catch up with them...
i can see wrinkles on my face (he he)
no seriously! i think i need to take stock of my life...
need to buckle up my shoes..or tie my laces properly (which i am still to learn)...
get career oriented...
get a life- wild but a bit mild...
go trekking...see places..go on a cruise...
frnds who love me for what i am... and not cause i am always around...
the list is on..
but i'll stop now...
On a more happy note:
Happy Birthday to me!!!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Outward Apperances
why is it so important to look good?? and that too not for oneself but to meet other people exacting standards. I saw a show the other day on television...the whole concept revolves around the weight loss of some extremely obese people. The thing that got me thinking was that these people did not want to lose weight for health reasons but most of them wanted to do so, so that i could impress people, av girlfriends/boyfriends etc.
Its not that i am against the loss of weight etc. but what i dont understand is the obsession with looking good.. and that too not for oneself but for the sake of others... And we as a society also stress a lot on looks.. i always find people commenting on other people's appearances. Everyone wants to be fair. Its as though skin colour would make you a better person.. make you more acceptable etc etc..(all the black v/s white stuff)
We are a society obessessed with looks. I just can't fathom( i really wanted to use this word) why. Clothes, brands..etc
a complete ass may swagger in branded clothes as though he owns the world. While noone will even bother to talk to a guy who may av the brains and heart in the right place just cause he doesn't dress well,
well as i always say its a funny world i live in.
Its not that i am against the loss of weight etc. but what i dont understand is the obsession with looking good.. and that too not for oneself but for the sake of others... And we as a society also stress a lot on looks.. i always find people commenting on other people's appearances. Everyone wants to be fair. Its as though skin colour would make you a better person.. make you more acceptable etc etc..(all the black v/s white stuff)
We are a society obessessed with looks. I just can't fathom( i really wanted to use this word) why. Clothes, brands..etc
a complete ass may swagger in branded clothes as though he owns the world. While noone will even bother to talk to a guy who may av the brains and heart in the right place just cause he doesn't dress well,
well as i always say its a funny world i live in.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Exams or Egg-jams!!!
Exam time for me folks!!!
I don't know why but it is when the exams are fast approaching and i dnt know an iota that i am at my creative best...(please don't go by the quality of my blogs to judge my creativity). I find things to do... thoughts to ponder upon... topics to discuss with people.. that all of a sudden vanish the moment the exams are over. Even the television networks are against me.. always will the movie that i av been waiting to see for ages be shown during my exams(not that this stops me from still watching it)...
The very basic problem that i face during exams is that i don't start studying till the very end. Moreover i read. Yes!!i read. Be it theory,numericals,mathematical solutions,derivations and even diagrams. The pencil that i always have in my hand during studying is meant for just underlining a few lines that i deem important... my book still looks new at the end of the session. I like to handle my things with upmost care... Now don't misinterpret my reading habit as Mugging up or cramming. What i mean by reading is actually reading- Just like one would read a Harry Potter (though with a little less enthusiasm).. i am a fast reader. just like i finish a novel in like 2hrs or so, similarly my course finishes in 3hrs or so. Then the problem arises that i need to go through it again inoreder to actually get reday for my exams. In between my exam-reading bout..i may wander around, read newspaper etc.
so that was all about how i prepare for exams. A sudden random though struck me (like i said my mental juices work the best during exams).. why do we pronunciate words the way we do. WE know that the curretn pronunciation of a word is lets say X, after a few years X is the wrong way it is supposed to be pronounced as Y.
Let me cite a few instances. When i was young(i still am)..i mean in school like in class 4-5, the word 'EDUCATION' was pronounced as 'ee-ju-ca-tion'. Some years hence we were told it should be 'ee-DU-ca-tion'. Now everyone who uses the former is looked at as though his ee-du-ca-tion was incomplete. 'OFTEN'..the correct is i think- 'of-en' but i few days ago an amercanised friend of mine said 'of-ten'. Thats not all. We pronounce the word 'ANTI' as 'an-ty', i saw on television people using 'an-tie'.. little wonder somedays later i will be informed that the american way of saying it is correct. 'SULTAN'-- 'sul-ta-aan' becomes 'sul-tn'. THe evergreen debate that i find is on how to say the word - 'LINUX'. I have had the best of people debate on it. Some say - 'lee-nux' other say it is 'lie- nex'. Someone clear me of my dilemma.
To end with.. all of a sudden i remember when i was around 7 or 8.. i used these words to impress my dad. I asked him would he like a 'botch-quitch' of flowers.. that was my way of interpreting the word 'Bouquet'(book-A).. next one i was like what a 'cha-os'.. that was the word CHAOS( k-os). THe way the mind of a child interprets things. I just wish english was simpler.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Youth
Youth
By Samuel Ullman (1840¡V1924)
Youth is not a time of life. It is a state of mind. It is not a matter of red cheeks, red lips and supple knees. It is a temper of the will; a quality of the imagination; a vigor of the emotions; it is a freshness of the deep springs of life. Youth means a temperamental predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over a life of ease. This often exists in a man of fifty, more than in a boy of twenty. Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years; people grow old by deserting their ideals.
Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, doubt, self-distrust, fear and despair. these are the long, long years that bow the head and turn the growing spirit back to dust.
Whether seventy or sixteen, there is in every being's heart a love of wonder; the sweet amazement at the stars and star-like things and thoughts; the undaunted challenge of events, the unfailing childlike appetite for what comes next, and the joy in the game of life.
You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear, as young as your hope, as old as your despair.
In the central place of your heart there is a wireless station. So long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, grandeur, courage, and power from the earth, from men and from the Infinite,so long are you young. When the wires are all down and the central places of your heart are covered with the snows of pessimism and the ice of cynicism, then are you grown old, indeed!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
General Douglas MacArthur quoted the above piece without attribution on his seventy-fifth birthday, in a speech to the Los Angeles County Council, American Legion, Los Angeles, California, January 26, 1955.
He had this framed over his desk
throughout the Pacific campaign. It is believed that the Japanese picked up the work from his Tokyo headquarters. Unlikely as it may sound, this essay, written more than 70 years ago, is the underpinning of much Japanese productivity and the basis of many business-people' s life philosophies. Many carry creased copies in their wallets. Anyone worth his salt in Japanese business knows and uses this essay, says one long-time Japanese observer.
Ullman's great-grandson, Richard Ullman Rosenfield, a psychologist tells that he had been intrigued by the 'spiritual journey' of the above essay, especially in Japan.
"It is our Popeye's spinach," said Tatsuro Ishida, who was the deputy chairperson of Fujisankei Communications Group.
By Samuel Ullman (1840¡V1924)
Youth is not a time of life. It is a state of mind. It is not a matter of red cheeks, red lips and supple knees. It is a temper of the will; a quality of the imagination; a vigor of the emotions; it is a freshness of the deep springs of life. Youth means a temperamental predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over a life of ease. This often exists in a man of fifty, more than in a boy of twenty. Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years; people grow old by deserting their ideals.
Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, doubt, self-distrust, fear and despair. these are the long, long years that bow the head and turn the growing spirit back to dust.
Whether seventy or sixteen, there is in every being's heart a love of wonder; the sweet amazement at the stars and star-like things and thoughts; the undaunted challenge of events, the unfailing childlike appetite for what comes next, and the joy in the game of life.
You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear, as young as your hope, as old as your despair.
In the central place of your heart there is a wireless station. So long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, grandeur, courage, and power from the earth, from men and from the Infinite,so long are you young. When the wires are all down and the central places of your heart are covered with the snows of pessimism and the ice of cynicism, then are you grown old, indeed!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
General Douglas MacArthur quoted the above piece without attribution on his seventy-fifth birthday, in a speech to the Los Angeles County Council, American Legion, Los Angeles, California, January 26, 1955.
He had this framed over his desk
throughout the Pacific campaign. It is believed that the Japanese picked up the work from his Tokyo headquarters. Unlikely as it may sound, this essay, written more than 70 years ago, is the underpinning of much Japanese productivity and the basis of many business-people' s life philosophies. Many carry creased copies in their wallets. Anyone worth his salt in Japanese business knows and uses this essay, says one long-time Japanese observer.
Ullman's great-grandson, Richard Ullman Rosenfield, a psychologist tells that he had been intrigued by the 'spiritual journey' of the above essay, especially in Japan.
"It is our Popeye's spinach," said Tatsuro Ishida, who was the deputy chairperson of Fujisankei Communications Group.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
it's really a matter of choice
Av you ever wondered that in the end it comes to our individual choice- call it a decision governed by facts, or a choice arrived at by pondering over many aspects... in the end it is a choice.
Yesterday night while trying to fall asleep after a very eventful day(about that in a later post)..i just wondered isnt lifew all about making choices.. all through we choose a path based on the choice that seems right at that particular moment...it starts from the moment we are conceived till the end...
right v/s wrong; truth v/s lie; Left v/s Right; Black v/s white; English v/s Hindi; MBA v/s Job; Love marriage v/s arranged marriage; Home cooked food v/s take away; me v/s you; India v/s abroad; Friendship v/s love; study v/s party...choice of friends...of the company to work for..the future path to take inorder to reach our goals...how we react at a particular moment- we either be cool,composed or just blast off... it is all a matter of choice.. a choice that sometimes reflects on how we have been conditioned to think... a choice that may sometimes talk us into taking the less trodden path...
But whatever be our choices it is all about living life to the fullest so that when the end comes we don't have any regrets.
Yesterday night while trying to fall asleep after a very eventful day(about that in a later post)..i just wondered isnt lifew all about making choices.. all through we choose a path based on the choice that seems right at that particular moment...it starts from the moment we are conceived till the end...
right v/s wrong; truth v/s lie; Left v/s Right; Black v/s white; English v/s Hindi; MBA v/s Job; Love marriage v/s arranged marriage; Home cooked food v/s take away; me v/s you; India v/s abroad; Friendship v/s love; study v/s party...choice of friends...of the company to work for..the future path to take inorder to reach our goals...how we react at a particular moment- we either be cool,composed or just blast off... it is all a matter of choice.. a choice that sometimes reflects on how we have been conditioned to think... a choice that may sometimes talk us into taking the less trodden path...
But whatever be our choices it is all about living life to the fullest so that when the end comes we don't have any regrets.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Reqiem for a dead child
The title sounds so tragic yet at the same time so romantic. I had read a novel long time back in which the main protagonist a female when jilted in love had given this as the title of her composition... and somehow this has from then struck a chord with me (no pun intended).Maybe i should dedicate this title to myself as - Requiem to the dead me!!! That sounds nice.. guess i am getting morose. Its just that i feel dead inside. I laugh;I crack jokes; I smile when i answer people monotonically...but there is a part of me that stays detached;that wants to break free; that wants to hurt people so that they know how it feels when it hurts.
Somehow i feel used.Atleast a prostitute gets paid for services rendered. I am the punching bag. Need a shoulder to cry, here i am. Need someone to listen to u rant against the big bad world. here i am. Need someone to listen to your meaningless chatter, here i am. Need someone just to talk to, here i am. Need someone to shop with, here i am. Need company, here i am. Need someone to minister to you when you are sick, here i am. Need someone to confess or confide into, here i am.
But, where are people when i need them??????
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Devil's Advocate
Calvin: Do you believe in the devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the temptation, corruption, and destruction of man?
Hobbes: I'm not sure that man needs the help
There is a devil inside each one of us. However hard we may try to refute this fact,its a universal truth. It nudges us in the most unseeming of situations, makes us wonder about thoughts that we should not even venture into.
Haven't you ever encountered him?? He is right there inside you. Making you do things that you wouldn't otherwise do. Making you feel at the moment of other's victory that, that moment might have been yours had you got the opportunity. Making you feel that the well-deserved promotion of your colleague should have been rightfully your. Making you jealous when a friend steals the march on you in exams. You are glad when a friend gets the job but are sad that you didn't make it. He is the one that forces you to be the center of all attention. Makes you do things in a group that you otherwise wouldn't . He is the face that rears itself when you are stoned out of your mind.
This devil that i av been talking about in the previous paragraph is nothing but our other self. A self that we keep hidden. One that rears its head in the form of jealously, spite, anger, vengeance, etc.. a number of names that we call our second self.
Everyone wants to be loved for themselves. But each one of us has an ugly side. A side that sometimes makes us act in ways that we normally would not have. One that makes us laugh when we torment someone with our acts. It is fun for us but not for the other person. A side that finds solace when we indulge ourselves. Most of the times we keep this side of our's hidden but it comes out however hard we may try. A side that makes us want fame, money, position... everything glitzy... however loudly we might proclaim to the world that we are simple hardworking souls who want just satisfaction...
If we look into this from another angle... we might see that it may be the devil in us that makes us succeed...that goads us into working hard...that sometimes makes us take a path that we normally would not av traversed... gives us the guts to take hard decisions... and sometimes makes us avenge ourselves to our utter satisfaction. A satisfaction that we might not have got had we remained angelic in nature or lets me say... too straightforward...
coz sometimes in this world we need something to push ourselves further...
that is exactly what our other side provides. Love it or hate it...It's there by your side.Period.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
just lyrics
Tuz Se Naaraaj Naheen Jindagee
Hairaan Hoo Main
Tere Maasoom Sawaalon Se
Pareshaan Hoo Main
Jeene Ke Liye Sochaa Hee Nahee
Dard Sanbhaalane Honge
Muskuraye To, Muskuraane Ke
Karja Utaarane Honge
Muskuraoo Kabhee To Lagataa Hai
Jaise Hothhon Pe, Karja Rakhaa Hain
Tuz Se Naaraaj ...
Aaj Agar Bhar Aayee Hai
Boonde Baras Jaayegee
Kal Kyaa Pataa In Ke Liye
Aankhe Taras Jaayegee
Jaane Kab Gam Huaa, Kahaa Khoyaa
Yek Aansoo, Chhupaa Ke Rakhaa Thaa
Tuz Se Naaraaj...
Hairaan Hoo Main
Tere Maasoom Sawaalon Se
Pareshaan Hoo Main
Jeene Ke Liye Sochaa Hee Nahee
Dard Sanbhaalane Honge
Muskuraye To, Muskuraane Ke
Karja Utaarane Honge
Muskuraoo Kabhee To Lagataa Hai
Jaise Hothhon Pe, Karja Rakhaa Hain
Tuz Se Naaraaj ...
Aaj Agar Bhar Aayee Hai
Boonde Baras Jaayegee
Kal Kyaa Pataa In Ke Liye
Aankhe Taras Jaayegee
Jaane Kab Gam Huaa, Kahaa Khoyaa
Yek Aansoo, Chhupaa Ke Rakhaa Thaa
Tuz Se Naaraaj...
choti choti si baat
na jaane kyu hota he zindagi ke saath...
kisi ke jane ke bad
kare phir uski yaad
choti choti si baat
kisi ke jane ke bad
kare phir uski yaad
choti choti si baat
purdah system
delhi's blueline buses are an experience in itself. the sheer variety that gets on in terms of people, culture, status is exalting...
today while coming back home. i heard some snippets of conversation between three grown up almost middle-aged men... this was before they realized a female(me) was sitting in the diagonally opposite row and could hear them..
well here goes the conversation..
aajkal ladkio ko dekho.. cell phone gharwale de dete he.. aur 6-7 ghante phone par laki rehti he... uska baap kya ch***** ki usse kuch pta nhi chal raha ki kya ho raha he..
baas inko chhut de do...
(at this moment the realised that i could hear their conversation)
next snippet
khandaani ladkia to aankh utha ke nhi dekhti kisi ladke ko..
next line
humare ghar me to purdah hota he... sab kuch thik chalta he aise
well.. dis shows me how backward people can actually be... hypocrisy of the highest order... i found those bastards even judging me.... it makes me question what sort of india do we live in... one where the outer shell is westernized but insides are still caught in a time-web...
today while coming back home. i heard some snippets of conversation between three grown up almost middle-aged men... this was before they realized a female(me) was sitting in the diagonally opposite row and could hear them..
well here goes the conversation..
aajkal ladkio ko dekho.. cell phone gharwale de dete he.. aur 6-7 ghante phone par laki rehti he... uska baap kya ch***** ki usse kuch pta nhi chal raha ki kya ho raha he..
baas inko chhut de do...
(at this moment the realised that i could hear their conversation)
next snippet
khandaani ladkia to aankh utha ke nhi dekhti kisi ladke ko..
next line
humare ghar me to purdah hota he... sab kuch thik chalta he aise
well.. dis shows me how backward people can actually be... hypocrisy of the highest order... i found those bastards even judging me.... it makes me question what sort of india do we live in... one where the outer shell is westernized but insides are still caught in a time-web...
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Is seeing, believing???
i went through a few blogs of my acquaintances...
a friend questioned me on my stance of not chatting with strangers...
i spoke to a friend on phone...
different scenes. very unconnected.
but they all have the same underlying theme...
av u ever wondered what is the difference between talking to a person face-to-face, on phone or for the matter chatting with them!!!
i av always found a huge difference..
lets take it scene wise...
1. The blog
I ws surprised when i read the blogs of these people whom i know though not very well. know in the sense that i see them almost everyday. when i read their posts, my entire perception changed. lets say i am confused between what is real and what is surreal.what or who do i believe..
they person i see or the person i read...
when you meet a person..speak to him/her.. you form a perception... now i don't know who the real person is.. one that is portrayed in front of us..or the person who pours out feelings in the most beautiful/soulful manner...
2. i av a policy.. i dnt indulge in msgr chatting with people whom i dnt know personally... nor do i ever accept friend requests from people i av never seen, nver met.
why is dis so???
coz i think that people can assume personalities that they are not... talk in a manner that they wont assume in reality... try to be someone they are not... and moreover simple statements maybe misunderstood for the simple reason that the tone of saying it was misinterpreted. if i know a person personally i know how he/she puts things or certain pet words... no harm done..
now again comes the question of the seen v/v the unseen... internet romances gone kaput... why..because expectations don't measure up... cause chatting is not the same as living.... we make promises that we wouldn't otherwise had we been face-to-face...
3. a phone conversation.
i am a mixture of conflicting personalities.. a proper GEMINI to put it simply.
there is a friend of mine with whom i can speak to on phone so freely but when face-to-face i clam up. i just cant hold a conversation. i get an uncomfortable feeling that makes me want people around the two of us..
then there are people i am so close to...when face-to-face we just can't keep shut... we av so much to talk about but so little time... but on phone we just can't hold a conversation... conversation topic's run dry... then we are like -> what else- what else.. a sorry state indeed...
well i analyzed the latter situation.. that is maybe because of the fact that when face-to-face our respective energies drive us... that which, when apart doesn't work.. i am scared what if the relationship does not work if we av distances between us.. i mean just because we can't converse on phone properly what if our friendship looses its vitality..we loose touch...
The underlying fact is seeing is believing but how true is it...
(incomplete... too sleepy)
a friend questioned me on my stance of not chatting with strangers...
i spoke to a friend on phone...
different scenes. very unconnected.
but they all have the same underlying theme...
av u ever wondered what is the difference between talking to a person face-to-face, on phone or for the matter chatting with them!!!
i av always found a huge difference..
lets take it scene wise...
1. The blog
I ws surprised when i read the blogs of these people whom i know though not very well. know in the sense that i see them almost everyday. when i read their posts, my entire perception changed. lets say i am confused between what is real and what is surreal.what or who do i believe..
they person i see or the person i read...
when you meet a person..speak to him/her.. you form a perception... now i don't know who the real person is.. one that is portrayed in front of us..or the person who pours out feelings in the most beautiful/soulful manner...
2. i av a policy.. i dnt indulge in msgr chatting with people whom i dnt know personally... nor do i ever accept friend requests from people i av never seen, nver met.
why is dis so???
coz i think that people can assume personalities that they are not... talk in a manner that they wont assume in reality... try to be someone they are not... and moreover simple statements maybe misunderstood for the simple reason that the tone of saying it was misinterpreted. if i know a person personally i know how he/she puts things or certain pet words... no harm done..
now again comes the question of the seen v/v the unseen... internet romances gone kaput... why..because expectations don't measure up... cause chatting is not the same as living.... we make promises that we wouldn't otherwise had we been face-to-face...
3. a phone conversation.
i am a mixture of conflicting personalities.. a proper GEMINI to put it simply.
there is a friend of mine with whom i can speak to on phone so freely but when face-to-face i clam up. i just cant hold a conversation. i get an uncomfortable feeling that makes me want people around the two of us..
then there are people i am so close to...when face-to-face we just can't keep shut... we av so much to talk about but so little time... but on phone we just can't hold a conversation... conversation topic's run dry... then we are like -> what else- what else.. a sorry state indeed...
well i analyzed the latter situation.. that is maybe because of the fact that when face-to-face our respective energies drive us... that which, when apart doesn't work.. i am scared what if the relationship does not work if we av distances between us.. i mean just because we can't converse on phone properly what if our friendship looses its vitality..we loose touch...
The underlying fact is seeing is believing but how true is it...
(incomplete... too sleepy)
Monday, April 30, 2007
emotional fools!!!
god!!!
Thats my reaction when i read the post below...
i am surprised at the vehemence with which i av written...
i guess this is a perfect example of why we are told not to act in the heat of the moment... cause later on it makes us feel stupid...
now that i look back...i feel-how stupid could i be???? to talk like that... to make a huge issue of a small thing... maybe i am going soft... maybe i am an emotional fool...
To look back very analytically - it was noone's fault.... just a small embarrassing situation that could av been dealt with maturity.. but no emotional fools that we are..we need to just let go in the heat of the moment...
now all i feel is guilty... guilty of my tirade against my friends.... nothing else... just a bit of nostalgia and guilt... this very guilt stops me from facing them...
well i am not a very courageous or confident person... my facade is such that people take me to be very strong... but beneath it all - likes a person waiting to be accepted..
i just hope and pray that my relations with those people stands this test of time and everything gets back to normal...
they say hope is the essence of life ( actually i say this.... just written the 'they' cause it makes it sound so true!! :) its a fact though!! )...
and with hope i sign off....
Thats my reaction when i read the post below...
i am surprised at the vehemence with which i av written...
i guess this is a perfect example of why we are told not to act in the heat of the moment... cause later on it makes us feel stupid...
now that i look back...i feel-how stupid could i be???? to talk like that... to make a huge issue of a small thing... maybe i am going soft... maybe i am an emotional fool...
To look back very analytically - it was noone's fault.... just a small embarrassing situation that could av been dealt with maturity.. but no emotional fools that we are..we need to just let go in the heat of the moment...
now all i feel is guilty... guilty of my tirade against my friends.... nothing else... just a bit of nostalgia and guilt... this very guilt stops me from facing them...
well i am not a very courageous or confident person... my facade is such that people take me to be very strong... but beneath it all - likes a person waiting to be accepted..
i just hope and pray that my relations with those people stands this test of time and everything gets back to normal...
they say hope is the essence of life ( actually i say this.... just written the 'they' cause it makes it sound so true!! :) its a fact though!! )...
and with hope i sign off....
Saturday, April 28, 2007
the curtain falls down
i closed a chapter of my life yesterday or in a more poetic manner...the curtain fell down on one of the acts of the play of my life...as shakespear put it...
how can people be so thoughtless...i mean people who one thinks cant hurt a fly...would with one act destroy a person...his confidence...his beliefs...his judgement...tear apart the heart and all that blood left behind would be washed away by the tears...tears that keep pouring even as i type this piece around 24hrs later..hoping that this would act as a salve and lessen the grief... but to no respite...
i loved those people for 4years..they were my life... was this the way that i wanted us to go our own ways... as life beakons, everyone must choose his/her life's path... but when standing at the cross-roads with separation in sight...one wants to part from one's friends with the hope that one day we'll all meet..bidding adieu with tears in eyes cause u don't want to walk away... but in the story of my life..the curtain feel with a bang...an ending that even i think the writer had not thought of a contingency plan for... how wrong can one be in judging people... or how bad can one be( in this case - me) to deserve such a thing... i can't think of a reason why what happened,happened. Did i ask for it, was it one of those cruel lessons that life teaches you...one of those lessons that noone wants to learn...one of those lessons that turns one cynical for the rest of his life....wow...seems like i just learnt mine...
It hurts like hell...there is no medicine that can ease away the pain...i just learnt that i am a bad judge... yet inspite of everything...i love those people....i just cant help it...i love them just like a mother loves the child who is standing with a dagger pointed to her heart...(plz pardon the poetic licenses that i av taken...i am just not in the right state of mind)...
well..seems like i'll be ok...just like i av been ok for the last 21yrs.. i'll cry the silent tears that refuse to go away...and then slowly merge into the crowd...but i wish those friends of mine- the very best in life...happiness always....take care...
maybe i am playing the blame-game..why blame others..maybe the person who is wrong is me...i am at fault....they are all so nice people....maybe i should av worked harder...maybe i was wrong in my dealings...maybe i should apologize..may be in the ends it was just a matter of choice(pun unintended)...
so..i again walk the lonely road...with not a person in sight to walk with me,not behind,not in front but along me.... guess thats the story of my life...
Always alone.
All the world's a stage,Every act has a end..that end maybe a happy one, a sad one, a very emotional one..mine was full off betrayal...of all the unkindest cuts,the one that hurts the most is the one inflicted by one's friends, friends whom one loves and cares for, more than anything in this world.
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.
how can people be so thoughtless...i mean people who one thinks cant hurt a fly...would with one act destroy a person...his confidence...his beliefs...his judgement...tear apart the heart and all that blood left behind would be washed away by the tears...tears that keep pouring even as i type this piece around 24hrs later..hoping that this would act as a salve and lessen the grief... but to no respite...
i loved those people for 4years..they were my life... was this the way that i wanted us to go our own ways... as life beakons, everyone must choose his/her life's path... but when standing at the cross-roads with separation in sight...one wants to part from one's friends with the hope that one day we'll all meet..bidding adieu with tears in eyes cause u don't want to walk away... but in the story of my life..the curtain feel with a bang...an ending that even i think the writer had not thought of a contingency plan for... how wrong can one be in judging people... or how bad can one be( in this case - me) to deserve such a thing... i can't think of a reason why what happened,happened. Did i ask for it, was it one of those cruel lessons that life teaches you...one of those lessons that noone wants to learn...one of those lessons that turns one cynical for the rest of his life....wow...seems like i just learnt mine...
It hurts like hell...there is no medicine that can ease away the pain...i just learnt that i am a bad judge... yet inspite of everything...i love those people....i just cant help it...i love them just like a mother loves the child who is standing with a dagger pointed to her heart...(plz pardon the poetic licenses that i av taken...i am just not in the right state of mind)...
well..seems like i'll be ok...just like i av been ok for the last 21yrs.. i'll cry the silent tears that refuse to go away...and then slowly merge into the crowd...but i wish those friends of mine- the very best in life...happiness always....take care...
maybe i am playing the blame-game..why blame others..maybe the person who is wrong is me...i am at fault....they are all so nice people....maybe i should av worked harder...maybe i was wrong in my dealings...maybe i should apologize..may be in the ends it was just a matter of choice(pun unintended)...
so..i again walk the lonely road...with not a person in sight to walk with me,not behind,not in front but along me.... guess thats the story of my life...
Always alone.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
We Wear the Mask
We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.
Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.
We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!
lovely poem..and so true...
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.
Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.
We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!
lovely poem..and so true...
the beginning
my first post!!!
i av always maintained that blogs are very impersonal...the whole world gets to peek into one's life and go through the ups and downs...
yet i find myself not only creating a blog..but spending time thinking over the URL name that reflects my state of mind(current...it changes continuously)...the template that i like most...etc..
i guess what drives me here is the anonymity of face...cause expressions give away a lot...or for a place where i can just pen down my thoughts without the fear of being judged for them...maybe i am here just to see what drives people into writing blogs...maybe i just want an outlet to rant against the miseries of life...
well so here is my first posting...it is as random and as confusing as i am...
The Road Not Taken(Robert Frost)
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
i av always maintained that blogs are very impersonal...the whole world gets to peek into one's life and go through the ups and downs...
yet i find myself not only creating a blog..but spending time thinking over the URL name that reflects my state of mind(current...it changes continuously)...the template that i like most...etc..
i guess what drives me here is the anonymity of face...cause expressions give away a lot...or for a place where i can just pen down my thoughts without the fear of being judged for them...maybe i am here just to see what drives people into writing blogs...maybe i just want an outlet to rant against the miseries of life...
well so here is my first posting...it is as random and as confusing as i am...
The Road Not Taken(Robert Frost)
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
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