emotional fools!!!

god!!!
Thats my reaction when i read the post below...
i am surprised at the vehemence with which i av written...
i guess this is a perfect example of why we are told not to act in the heat of the moment... cause later on it makes us feel stupid...
now that i look back...i feel-how stupid could i be???? to talk like that... to make a huge issue of a small thing... maybe i am going soft... maybe i am an emotional fool...
To look back very analytically - it was noone's fault.... just a small embarrassing situation that could av been dealt with maturity.. but no emotional fools that we are..we need to just let go in the heat of the moment...
now all i feel is guilty... guilty of my tirade against my friends.... nothing else... just a bit of nostalgia and guilt... this very guilt stops me from facing them...
well i am not a very courageous or confident person... my facade is such that people take me to be very strong... but beneath it all - likes a person waiting to be accepted..
i just hope and pray that my relations with those people stands this test of time and everything gets back to normal...
they say hope is the essence of life ( actually i say this.... just written the 'they' cause it makes it sound so true!! :) its a fact though!! )...
and with hope i sign off....

the curtain falls down

i closed a chapter of my life yesterday or in a more poetic manner...the curtain fell down on one of the acts of the play of my life...as shakespear put it...

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.

Every act has a end..that end maybe a happy one, a sad one, a very emotional one..mine was full off betrayal...of all the unkindest cuts,the one that hurts the most is the one inflicted by one's friends, friends whom one loves and cares for, more than anything in this world.

how can people be so thoughtless...i mean people who one thinks cant hurt a fly...would with one act destroy a person...his confidence...his beliefs...his judgement...tear apart the heart and all that blood left behind would be washed away by the tears...tears that keep pouring even as i type this piece around 24hrs later..hoping that this would act as a salve and lessen the grief... but to no respite...

i loved those people for 4years..they were my life... was this the way that i wanted us to go our own ways... as life beakons, everyone must choose his/her life's path... but when standing at the cross-roads with separation in sight...one wants to part from one's friends with the hope that one day we'll all meet..bidding adieu with tears in eyes cause u don't want to walk away... but in the story of my life..the curtain feel with a bang...an ending that even i think the writer had not thought of a contingency plan for... how wrong can one be in judging people... or how bad can one be( in this case - me) to deserve such a thing... i can't think of a reason why what happened,happened. Did i ask for it, was it one of those cruel lessons that life teaches you...one of those lessons that noone wants to learn...one of those lessons that turns one cynical for the rest of his life....wow...seems like i just learnt mine...

It hurts like hell...there is no medicine that can ease away the pain...i just learnt that i am a bad judge... yet inspite of everything...i love those people....i just cant help it...i love them just like a mother loves the child who is standing with a dagger pointed to her heart...(plz pardon the poetic licenses that i av taken...i am just not in the right state of mind)...

well..seems like i'll be ok...just like i av been ok for the last 21yrs.. i'll cry the silent tears that refuse to go away...and then slowly merge into the crowd...but i wish those friends of mine- the very best in life...happiness always....take care...

maybe i am playing the blame-game..why blame others..maybe the person who is wrong is me...i am at fault....they are all so nice people....maybe i should av worked harder...maybe i was wrong in my dealings...maybe i should apologize..may be in the ends it was just a matter of choice(pun unintended)...

so..i again walk the lonely road...with not a person in sight to walk with me,not behind,not in front but along me.... guess thats the story of my life...
Always alone.

We Wear the Mask

We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!


lovely poem..and so true...

the beginning

my first post!!!
i av always maintained that blogs are very impersonal...the whole world gets to peek into one's life and go through the ups and downs...
yet i find myself not only creating a blog..but spending time thinking over the URL name that reflects my state of mind(current...it changes continuously)...the template that i like most...etc..

i guess what drives me here is the anonymity of face...cause expressions give away a lot...or for a place where i can just pen down my thoughts without the fear of being judged for them...maybe i am here just to see what drives people into writing blogs...maybe i just want an outlet to rant against the miseries of life...

well so here is my first posting...it is as random and as confusing as i am...

The Road Not Taken(Robert Frost)
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.